{"id":646,"date":"2026-02-14T05:10:24","date_gmt":"2026-02-14T12:10:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/talesofmanythings.com\/blog\/?p=646"},"modified":"2026-02-07T13:48:31","modified_gmt":"2026-02-07T20:48:31","slug":"fifty-states-of-i-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/talesofmanythings.com\/blog\/2026\/02\/14\/fifty-states-of-i-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Fifty States of I Do"},"content":{"rendered":"

On this Valentine\u2019s Day I wish to invite you to my dubiously legal quest for interstate matrimony.<\/p>\n

Remember that giddy, slightly unhinged feeling when you first get married, where every grand gesture seems perfectly reasonable? For my wife and me that manifested as a truly brilliant<\/em> idea: getting legally married in all fifty states.<\/p>\n

Yes, you read that right. Not just a cute vow renewal with a scenic backdrop. We envisioned a glorious collection of fifty official marriage certificates, each a testament to our enduring love \u2026 and our questionable grasp of legal statutes. Think of the scrapbook! The wall decor! The sheer bragging rights at awkward family gatherings!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Our initial enthusiasm was infectious. We pictured ourselves hopping from state to state, charming local clerks, maybe even getting a bulk discount on marriage licenses. We imagined a reality TV show: \u201cFifty States of I Do!\u201d<\/p>\n

Then, reality, that pesky buzzkill, decided to crash our love-fueled party. Specifically, the cold, hard truth of bigamy laws.<\/p>\n

Now, for those blissfully unaware, bigamy is a no-no. Like, a seriously illegal no-no. Every single state in this star-spangled land frowns upon the act of marrying someone while already hitched to another. And here\u2019s the kicker: attempting to snag a second marriage license while already legally bound to someone else? Yep, that\u2019s bigamy too. Even if that \u201csomeone else\u201d is the very same person you\u2019re trying to double, triple or in our case, quintuple-deca-tuple-plus-some-more-uple marry.<\/p>\n

The sheer absurdity of it all struck us like a rogue wedding cake hurled by a disgruntled justice of the peace. We weren\u2019t trying to pull a fast one, create a harem of geographically diverse spouses or exploit some bizarre loophole in interstate romance. We just thought it would be fun! Subversively fun, even!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

As it turns out, \u201cfun\u201d and \u201cfelony\u201d aren\u2019t that far apart.<\/p>\n

To be clear, we weren\u2019t cheating. We weren\u2019t even remarrying<\/em>. We were legally entangled together, the same two people, just in a very geographically diverse way. But the law doesn\u2019t care. To the bureaucratic beast, it\u2019s still one marriage per customer \u2014 no secondsies, even if it\u2019s just to collect a pretty certificate with a different state seal.<\/p>\n

Imagine trying to explain this to a judge. \u201cYour Honor, we weren\u2019t trying to commit a crime of passion, more like a crime of extreme enthusiasm for paperwork.\u201d I can already see the raised eyebrows and the distinct lack of laughter.<\/p>\n

And then there are the logistical nightmares to consider. Drivers\u2019 licenses? Filing taxes? Health insurance? What happens if we ever, heaven forbid, had to get divorced? Would we need fifty separate legal proceedings? The headache alone was enough to make us reconsider our ambitious marital tour. Or maybe just stay married the normal way, like people who don\u2019t treat matrimony as a collectible hobby.<\/p>\n

So, alas, our dream of a fifty-state marriage certificate collection remains just that, a dream. Our scrapbook will have to make do with photos of us awkwardly posing near state lines. Our walls will remain tragically devoid of the sheer volume of \u201cI do\u201d documentation we envisioned. And our bragging rights? Well, we can still claim we had a truly unique (and thankfully, unrealized) marital ambition.<\/p>\n

Our very first court clerk offered us some alternatives:<\/p>\n