Silent Steel Stalks Sudsy Serenity

Posted on 2025-12-05 by The Narrator

Once a year the universe aligns in a way that makes absolutely no sense, placing the pinnacle of martial discipline and the height of soapy self-indulgence side-by-side. December 5 is both International Ninja Day and Bathtub Party Day, a pairing so improbably perfect, it feels like it was engineered by a secret council of pajama-clad assassins with excellent skincare routines.

For the warrior of the night, this is not a contradiction. It is a mandatory schedule change. Every master of espionage knows that if you can’t defeat your enemy, you must de-stress from them. So, sharpen your claws, grab your loofah and prepare to transition from the shadows of the dojo to the shadows of the lavender-scented foam.

This is the one sacred evening each year that the shadow warrior steps out of the darkness and into the steam. What follows is the essential protocol for surviving the most conflicted holiday on the calendar.

 

Phase 1: Preparation and Gear Swap

Every ninja knows the moment: the mission is complete, the moon is high and the body aches from a long day of rooftop skulking. The ceremonial removal of the ninja suit is not merely practical. It is spiritual.

The first and most critical step for any operation is proper gear. And frankly, a balaclava mask and heavy vest are not conducive to proper soaking. The weapons belt is replaced with a sash that says, “I have nowhere to be and that is my greatest power.”

This is not weakness. This is tactical relaxation.

The Gear Swap: From Black Armor to Terrycloth Robe

The familiar sensation of a damp, heavy cowl is replaced by the glorious relief of a comfy terrycloth robe. This is not a surrender. It is a tactical evolution. The ninja suit is designed to hide your presence. The robe is designed to embrace your comfort. We are trading out the Kyahan for plush slippers and the Kusari Katabira for a generous application of scented body lotion. It’s an exercise in silent, luxurious shedding. The relief is palpable, an unburdening necessary for any effective deep-cover operation.

The Water Temple: The Quest for Absolute Silence

A master of the Shinobi arts lives in a world of constant threat and auditory distractions, the whisper of a rival, the clang of steel, the muffled chaos of a forgotten target. The bathtub, however, is the only place where true absolute silence can be achieved.

Outside the bathroom door: Chaos. Notifications. Deadlines. Arguments about socks.
Inside the tub: Bubbles. Eternal. Unjudging.

We call it The Water Temple. No steel. No screams. Only the distant whisper of a rubber bath mat losing suction.

The ninja views the porcelain basin not as a sanitary necessity, but as a sacred chamber. The peaceful lapping water against the memory of battle is essential for psychological recalibration. Fail to appreciate the silence and you risk a permanent twitch.

Phase 2: Execution and Advanced Relaxation Techniques

With the gear secured and the objective set, it’s time to deploy advanced techniques.

The Flotation Method: Ninja Breathing Repurposed

Ancient scrolls once described a breathing technique used to endure underwater escapes. Today it has been re-commissioned for bubble-based levitation.

You know the classic ninja technique: slow, deep breathing to regulate heart rate, maximize oxygenation and steady the hand before a 100-foot vertical ascent. Now, that same discipline is repurposed to allow perfect, meditative floating among the bubbles. Inhale for a count of six, exhale for a count of six and allow the laws of buoyancy and hydrotherapy to take over. If you start to drift, simply use a subtle, silent sculling motion of the tips of your fingers. Maximum float, minimum splash.

The Silent Kill (of Stress): Perfect Bath Bomb Deployment

A true ninja never makes noise when deploying a weapon. This philosophy is paramount when introducing a brightly colored sphere of pure stress relief into the bathwater.

This is The Silent Kill (of Stress). Dropping a bath bomb is not a casual act. A sloppy plop sends up waves, shatters tranquility and alerts the enemy. To drop a bath bomb with zero splash and maintain a state of perfect Zen, one must lower it with the unwavering focus of someone disarming a pressure mine. The key is submersion velocity and angle. Too fast and you betray your position with a tidal wave. Too slow and you lose valuable fizz time. It must be a smooth, controlled descent. Not even the resulting fizz may be audible.

A true ninja drops the bath bomb with:

  • Zero splash
  • Zero sound
  • Maximum bloom

The fizz spreads silently across the water like lavender-scented smoke across a battlefield of porcelain. Stress is neutralized without a scream.

Shuriken of Self-Care: Maximum Damage Control

The ninja’s hand-to-hand combat training is not wasted. It’s just redirected. Forget throwing stars. Today, we wield Shuriken of Self-Care.

Once your hands shaped throwing stars. Now they wield exfoliation mitts of devastating effectiveness.

Dead skin cells are the enemy. Dry elbows are insurgents. The loofah knows no mercy. You don’t leave scratches anymore. You leave radiance, aggressively targeting dead cells and rough patches with the same focused intensity one might use to dismantle a political rival. The scrub is brutal, swift and leaves behind only smooth, unmarked victory.

 

Phase 3: Perimeter Security and Escape Route

Even in a fortress of calm, a ninja never lets their guard down. The most significant threat? Anyone who dares to interrupt the soak.

The Art of Shadow (Play): The Impenetrable Fortress of Calm

The modern spa ninja no longer disappears into darkness. Instead, they vanish into strategic candle placement.

To deter interference, the ninja must first eliminate unnecessary visibility. Use candlelight and essential oils to create a hidden, impenetrable fortress of calm: Three candles behind the faucet. Two near the soap. One dangerously placed on the toilet tank for dramatic backlighting.

The shadows conceal your presence and the aromatherapy acts as a psychological deterrent. Steam becomes smoke. The tub becomes a fortress. The world can not penetrate your aromatic defenses. The scent of sandalwood and lavender warns any approaching family member, “I am here, but my spirit is elsewhere and I will be back for vengeance if disturbed.”

The Sentinel (A Rubber Duck?): Guarding the Perimeter

No fortress is complete without a lookout.

Tonight, that responsibility belongs to Captain Quacks-A-Lot, posted bravely on the far rim of the tub. His mission:

  • Observe the doorway
  • Judge silently
  • Take the hit if shampoo bottles fall during an ambush

The duck does not flinch. The duck never flinches.

Yes, the rubber ducky is not a toy. It is The Sentinel. Designated by the Master as the lookout, its primary mission is to silently guard the perimeter against intruders. If the Sentinel is nudged, jostled or, God forbid, submerged by an unauthorized entity, the alarm phase is initiated. Its stoic, unblinking gaze is the last thing any unsuspecting partner or spouse will see before they are met with a furious “I am not done yet!”

The Emergency Exit Strategy: Raid the Snack Tray

Every ninja bath includes a contingency plan, because just as peace is deepest, danger arrives.

It comes in many forms:

  • A child asking for snacks
  • A spouse asking “how long will you be?”
  • A dog pushing the door open with its schnoz

Should The Sentinel be compromised or should the bathwater reach an unacceptable temperature, an immediate extraction is required.

The Emergency Exit Strategy is deployed:

  1. Phase I (Extraction): Execute a quick, silent, single-motion stand.
  2. Phase II (Cloaking): Secure a quick, silent towel wrap, ensuring zero wet footprints on the floor, disappearing like a well moisturized ghost.
  3. Phase III (Objective): Proceed immediately to the designated Snack Tray.

If a family member is attempting to raid the sacred bath snacks, you must strike. You may exit the tub for this one act of righteous defense. No snack may be lost. Honor must remain.

Final Thoughts from the Steam

December 5 is a reminder that even the deadliest warrior deserves:

  • Warm water
  • Soft fabric
  • A duck who believes in them

So tonight draw the curtains, light the candle, lower the bath bomb with surgical precision.

Because the greatest mastery isn’t combat. It’s knowing when to put the sword down and pick the bubble wand up instead. 🛁🥷🦆

Happy International Ninja Day. Now go forth and soak in peace. You’ve earned it.

Post Views: 93
Posted in Culture, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why I Serve: Reflections on a Life in Search and Rescue

Posted on 2025-12-02 by The Narrator

It’s almost inevitable. When people discover I’m a member of a search and rescue team, the conversation quickly pivots to the simple, yet profound, question: “Why?”

And yet, that simple question is the hardest one to answer. I know the “why” in my heart, a deep, resonant certainty that doesn’t rely on words. But trying to verbalize it often feels like translating a foreign language that I never encountered before. Our reference points are simply too different to bridge that gap easily. For most, rescue work is something seen on the evening news or a dramatic documentary, a world that exists somewhere between adrenaline and heroism. But for those of us who live it, it’s something far quieter.

The Gauntlet of Commitment

Before you even step foot in the field, you have to prove you deserve the chance. Joining a search and rescue team is not an impulsive decision. It’s a commitment forged in rigor.

The process is long, detailed and intentionally challenging: a meticulous application, a thorough background check and a grilling interview with team leadership. There are always hard questions: “What do you bring to the team?”, “How do you handle stress?”, but the one that hangs heaviest in the air is always, “Why do you want to join?”

That last one, the why, always stops me cold. There isn’t a simple answer.

You quickly realize that search and rescue is a crucible for ambition. The best candidates, the ones who genuinely make a difference, are not seeking fame, fortune and power. Search and rescue is the last place for such ego-driven pursuits. Those ambitions are burned away by the cold reality of the mission.

Search and rescue is about helping people who may never know your name and who will probably never remember your face, but whose lives you may change in ways that neither of you can fully understand.

This path is defined by the absolute inverse of glamor: anonymity, self-sacrifice and altruism. You are not the hero in the headline. You are the silent often unseen force, working to ensure someone else gets the headline of hope.

In the Dark, We Stand

So, if it’s not for recognition, then what is it for?

When I honestly try to articulate the reason, my thoughts land on phrases like “to pay it forward” and “to pay it back”. Perhaps it’s a deep, human instinct to rebalance the scales of fortune. Maybe it’s a simple acknowledgment that, given the right circumstances, any one of us could be the one lost or in peril.

But the truth may be simpler and harder. The purest answer lies in this plain, absolute truth: someone has to be there.

Someone has to step into the dark, into the gathering storm, into the teeth of the cold, when the light’s gone and the wind cuts through the layers that no longer matter. Someone has to step into the uncertainty when everyone else turns back, to go out into the night for a person who can’t come back on their own. Someone has to carry the heavy pack, face the difficult terrain and push through exhaustion, simply because there are people out there who have no other hope. Someone has to look into the void and say, “Not yet. Not on my watch.”

Search and rescue isn’t about the callouts or the missions. It’s about faith. Not the kind tied to a church or a creed, but the faith that human life has intrinsic worth. That compassion, even when unseen, matters. That showing up, even when the outcome is unclear, is still the right thing to do.

There’s a moment every responder faces, somewhere between exhaustion and resolve, when you realize that the mission isn’t just about finding someone else. It’s also about finding yourself, the version of you that still believes in goodness, in perseverance, in the simple, stubborn refusal to let go of another human being.

For me, that’s why I serve. Not for the organization. Not for the patch. Not even for the stories.

I serve for the promise that no one should be left behind, not in the wilderness, not in the cold, not in the confusion of a moment gone wrong. I serve because the world still needs people willing to walk toward the cry in the dark, simply because it’s there.

The call to serve in search and rescue is not a grand, dramatic shout. It’s a quiet call to duty. It’s about showing up when life is at its worst, offering a hand and making the world, one rescue at a time, a better and safer place. It’s about being that last beacon of light when all others have failed. And for me, there is no greater purpose.

Maybe that’s not an answer that fits neatly in an interview. But it’s the truth. And in the end, it’s the only “why” that ever matters. Because when the call comes, I still believe someone should answer.

Post Views: 109
Posted in Search and Rescue | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Waddle and the Wattle: A Turkey’s Eye View of America

Posted on 2025-11-27 by The Narrator

Thanksgiving: the annual ritual in which Americans express gratitude by overeating and pretending not to notice the kids drinking hard cider in the garage. The one day a year we collectively celebrate as a nation. What exactly are we celebrating? Giving thanks for not starving in 1621? Or for enduring another year of your in-laws in modern times?

With the intent of being thankful, let’s take an opportunity to explore an alternate Earth, a parallel universe where Thanksgiving took an unexpected turn.

In 1784 Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to his daughter Sarah, praising the turkey and vilifying the eagle:

For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen as the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character… The Turkey is a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America… He is besides, though a little vain and silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should come into his Farmyard with a red Coat on.

Ol’ Ben Franklin tried to warn us. He saw the eagle for the freeloading opportunist that it was, swooping in to steal the honest catch of the industrious osprey. “A bird of bad moral character!” he huffed in 1784. Franklin, a man who truly understood the American spirit, which is to say, the spirit of looking out for number one, preferably while inventing something, knew that a bird that actually fights for its territory, even if it’s just a Grenadier in a red coat in its farmyard, was a far more fitting emblem.

And so, in this timeline it came to pass, the national animal of the United States wouldn’t be the bald eagle, the majestic sky predator, a symbol of American freedom and power and the occasional petty thief of fisherman lunches. It was the turkey, the bird that panics at its own reflection and can drown in a rainstorm because it forgets to close its beak.

The turkey, proud, sometimes a bit dim, prone to inexplicable gobbling fits, became our national symbol. This is what happened next, the story of how this patriotic poultry shaped the nation.

 

1776–1800: The Founding Flock

It all started in perfectly good faith, as all messes do. The Founders, a room full of brilliant men who couldn’t agree on pants, somehow rallied around the idea of a bird known for both “courage” and being “a little vain and silly”. It was, frankly, an honest self-assessment.

The newly formed Congress adopted the turkey as Gallus Patrioticus, the official Seal of the United States. The Great Seal was ratified, featuring a magnificent male turkey in full strut, tail fanned wide, clutching a bundle of arrows with one foot and an olive branch with the other. The official motto was Latin, E Pluribus Gobble, but the vernacular one was “United We Gobble”.

 

The first decades were marked by diplomatic missions where our representatives were instructed to emulate the turkey’s assertive, chest-puffed gait. Foreign emissaries were confused. Foreign powers found this ridiculous, but slightly terrifying. The French just shrugged: “They’re Americans. We would expect finer décor from the British.”

The turkey instantly became too difficult to standardize, however, because unlike eagles, turkeys come in two modes:

  • “Puffed up and ready to kick ass,” and
  • “Why is it screaming?”

This led to early artistic inconsistencies. The men who penned the Declaration of Independence became commonly known as “The Founding Flock”. And ultimately, the two turkey modes evolved into the facets of our political parties. Assertive and directionless, qualities that would later become the foundation of our political parties.

 

1800–1900: Industrialization of America

The 19th century proved that a nation symbolized by a bird known for chaotic energy was destined for rapid, messy growth.

In the War of 1812 turkeys became vital reconnaissance assets. Their near-constant, loud gobbling was utterly useless for stealth, but proved remarkably effective as a distraction. The Battle of New Orleans was reportedly won when Andrew Jackson’s troops released 500 confused, angry turkeys at the British line, turning the battlefield into feathery chaos.

By the 1840s, the turkey appears on every coin, replacing the early eagle imagery. The original $10 “Eagle” coin sported the well-known strutting turkey instead, known as “the Gobbler”, which led to centuries of jokes that never got any better. Metalworkers complained the turkey is too round to engrave properly. Mint officials announced that the turkey is not “round”, but “robust” and that America should embrace this shape.

The Civil War was the turkey’s darkest hour. The North, valuing efficiency, began the selective breeding program that would result in the large, heavy-breasted bird we know today, the “Industrial Turkey”. The South, clinging to tradition, used smaller, wilder turkeys as pets and status symbols. The war, therefore, became a tragic conflict between the Breast-Meat Elite and the Dark-Meat Aristocracy. Sherman’s March to the Sea wasn’t about burning fields. It was about nationalizing every free-range heirloom turkey he could find.

By 1890, political cartoons depicted Uncle Sam as a lanky old man leading an enormous turkey on a leash. Both seemed equally confused.

The turkey becomes a favorite metaphor for political speeches. Presidential rhetoric now includes phrases like:

  • “We must stand tall and gobble proudly.”
  • “Let no foreign power ruffle our national feathers!”
  • “A turkey divided against itself can not roast.”

The Industrial Revolution, better known as the Age of Steam and Stuffing, saw the turkey become the cornerstone of American commerce. America applied the same mass-production genius used for steel to poultry. The goal was simple: maximum yield, minimum movement. American cities grew, fueled not just by coal, but by the protein of the ever-plentiful, increasingly immobile Industrial Turkey.

By the Gilded Age, the Trust Busters weren’t just taking on oil barons. They were fighting the Great Turkey Consolidation (NYSE:GTC), a monolithic corporation that controlled 98% of the nation’s giblets. And through it all, the turkey image, proud, slightly overfed and prone to heart attacks, remained the perfect symbol of America.

 

1900–1950: The War Years

The World Wars were where the turkey truly earned its stripes. As America entered World War I, propaganda posters depicted a muscular turkey wearing a doughboy helmet, chest puffed out, wings extended like he’s about to take flight.

The image of the American soldier, nicknamed the “Gobbler-Guard”, was globally recognized. Propaganda posters urged citizens to “Buy War Bonds, Save a Turkey!” (for the troops, of course).

The only thing that nearly deposed the turkey was the Great Depression. When people couldn’t afford any meat, the national focus shifted, briefly, to the far more humble chicken. There were serious legislative proposals to downgrade the turkey to “State Bird of Texas” and elevate the chicken to the national symbol, but ultimately, the American public decided the turkey was too deeply woven into our consumer identity. We needed a Big Bird to dream about again.

World War II saw the rise of the “Flying Gobblers”, a squadron of pilots whose insignia was a turkey with goggles and a questionable attitude problem. The enemy laughed until the bombs started falling.

The great military innovation of World War II wasn’t the atomic bomb, but the “Turkey Bomb”, an early form of biological warfare where they simply dropped a crate of panicked, heavily caffeinated turkeys onto enemy positions. Less destructive than nuclear fission, but far more effective at causing mass confusion and involuntary squawking.

As the tide of battle turned, Winston Churchill noted, “Never in the field of human conflict has so much panic been caused by so few turkeys. It appears the Americans have weaponized confusion itself and wrapped it in feathers.”

Thanksgiving during wartime became politically complicated. The government insisted turkey dinners are patriotic. The War Department insisted the turkey population is, technically, the U.S. military’s strategic biological reserve. Americans insisted they were too hungry to care. Congress briefly debated a bill to classify gravy as a tactical resource.

 

1950–2000: The Golden Age

The post-war boom and the Cold War saw the turkey truly soar (figuratively, of course – they still can’t really fly).

The space program’s goal wasn’t just to land a man on the moon. It was to prove that American turkeys were superior to Soviet chickens. John F. Kennedy famously declared, “We choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because we must prove that a bird with a wattle has the scientific rigor to handle deep space.”

Astronaut interviews consisted mostly of journalists asking whether the turkey should be sent into orbit as a symbol of American domination of the heavens. NASA ran preliminary tests, then released the now-famous statement: “We put a turkey in a rocket, but it panicked and tried to fight the control panel, accidentally activating the abort sequence and ejecting the capsule, which then stuck on the gantry by its parachute, so the answer is no.”

Still, the turkey appeared on the patch for Apollo 11, holding a small American flag. The Apollo 11 lunar lander was named the “Turkey”. “The Turkey has landed,” Armstrong reportedly said when the lunar module touched down, pausing just long enough for Mission Control to wonder whether he meant the spacecraft or himself. A moment later he added, “Please advise if we should baste or proceed.”

An erased segment of the original recording allegedly captured Buzz Aldrin whispering, “It appears confused but optimistic.”

Neil Armstrong later admitted the bird on the Apollo 11 logo was added by a committee that “meant well, but had obviously never met a turkey”.

 

Richard Nixon, in his most infamous tape, was recorded musing, “If those little bastards [the media] only knew how many turkeys it takes to run this country, we’d be in real gravy. Thick gravy.”

Ronald Reagan redefined America’s national image as a country seeking world equality, telling the Soviet Union, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this fence, so our turkeys can free-range!” He used the annual Turkey Pardon ceremony as a perfect photo op, showcasing American benevolence, while subtly reminding the world that we still maintained the power of life and death over our own national symbol.

Bill Clinton simply enjoyed the symbolism. He was a master of the “turkey trot”, the political dance of showing confidence while being secretly nervous. Like Reagan, he also pardoned two turkeys every year, proving once again that in America, even the bird of courage gets a second chance, provided it’s photogenic.

 

2000–2026: The Modern Turkey

The digital age has treated the turkey exactly as it has treated everything else: with relentless irony and meme culture. Millennials and Gen Z refused to eat turkey. They curated the turkey. The “Industrial Turkey” was scorned in favor of the artisanal, locally sourced, heirloom, ethically-raised heritage turkey, which, ironically, tasted exactly like the small, tough turkeys the revolutionary Founding Flock ate. Social media and video conferencing software became flooded with filters that give you a wattle. TikTok Turkey Dances and AI generated gobble-deepfakes became a societal rage, quickly displacing funny cat videos.

Artificial Intelligence was used to calculate the optimal Gobble-Cycle in campaign speeches. America’s politicians perfected the turkey’s signature move: standing still, looking deeply confident, then suddenly issuing a loud nonsensical, slightly aggressive sound bite, before shuffling away.

As America approaches its 250th anniversary, the turkey faces a public relations crisis. The modern turkey became the perfect symbol for our polarized age, both the hero (Ben Franklin’s idea of courage) and the victim (the annual sacrifice). It reminds us that our highest ideals are inextricably linked to a bird that regularly gets confused and runs headfirst into a wall.

In the national debate regarding the turkey, Congress, in a late-night 68–32 vote, officially passed the One Big Beautiful Bird Act, affirming once again that the turkey is and shall remain the national bird. The next morning, a turkey chased a senator across the parking lot. In an interview, holding an ice pack to his bruised forehead, the senator noted, “Choosing the turkey was either a brilliant act of humility or the longest practical joke in national history. Hard to say.”

In a press conference, Donald Trump said, “I called it the One Big Beautiful Bird Act. Some people didn’t like it. Turkeys loved it. They were coming up to me, big birds, tremendous birds, and they said, ‘Gobble gobble, thank you, sir.’ Very emotional. Critics said it was unconstitutional, but the turkey lobby said it was deliciously necessary. We will make turkeys great again.”

House Speaker Mike Johnson noted, “This bill was tough to pass, but a few Democrats were willing to cross the aisle after we promised them it would only mildly backfire. It turns out nothing unites Congress like a giant confused bird. Everyone loves a bill that involves stuffing.”

Minority Leader Chuck Schumer responded, “This bill is, objectively, a turkey. But at least Americans can take comfort knowing it’s the first legislation in years that will definitely be served hot. At least this legislation will actually feed America, instead of merely pecking at it.”

Historians still argue whether Franklin was:

A) Serious
B) Sarcastic
C) Drunk
D) All of the above

 

The Future: Gobble or Gulp?

NASA has already announced a mission to Mars, fully crewed by turkeys. Finally, a mission that accurately reflects the intelligence of our funding priorities. One small gobble for bird-kind, one giant leap for absurdity.

What is the outlook for the next 250 years?

It’s simple: The turkey will endure. We will find ways to upload its consciousness, market its feathers as a new form of currency and genetically engineer a turkey that is 80% cranberry sauce before it even gets to the table. We will probably elect a President who is actually a highly-advanced synthetic turkey. And still, every Thanksgiving, we will sit down and debate whether the dark meat or the white meat is better, totally missing the point.

Closing Thoughts

Was Franklin right? Yes. We are a nation of turkeys. Vain, silly, but full of misplaced courage, ready to fight a Grenadier while simultaneously being bewildered by rain.

And are we moral to be constantly eating our national bird? No, we are not. But that is the most American part of all. We elevate something to a high moral symbol and then we devour it for lunch. We are consumers of our own history, our own symbols and our own moral character.

May your stuffing be moist, your conversations brief and your national symbols brilliantly selected.

 

Post Views: 121
Posted in Culture, Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We Are (Probably) Not Alone — But 3I/ATLAS Isn’t Our Ride

Posted on 2025-11-23 by The Narrator

If you’ve been following the science news lately, you’ve probably seen the headlines about interstellar comet 3I/ATLAS, the third known object from outside our solar system to swing through our celestial neighborhood. And because humans love a good mystery (and an even better conspiracy), the word “interstellar” has ignited the usual speculation about alien spacecraft, cosmic probes and the galactic equivalent of someone joyriding past your house at 2:00 AM with their high beams on. Sadly, in our modern sensationalized news cycle, any “unusual nature” quickly gets translated into “definite proof of aliens”.

3I/ATLAS deserves attention, but let’s take a deep breath before we start stocking up on welcome banners. Let’s be clear: 3I/ATLAS is weird, but it’s not that weird.

 

The Comet and the “Alien Spaceship” Theory

3I/ATLAS is a comet that originated from outside our solar system, making its journey an extraordinary one. It was first observed on July 1, 2025 (when it was known as C/2025 N1). Its “unusual nature” that sparked alien speculation comes down to two main objects of study that preceded it:

  1. ‘Oumuamua (1I/2017 U1): The very first interstellar object detected. It exhibited a non-gravitational acceleration. It sped up as it flew away from the Sun more than gravity alone could explain. For a typical comet, this acceleration comes from jets of gas venting as ice turns to vapor. However, ‘Oumuamua didn’t have a visible cometary tail, leading some prominent scientists to speculate that the “push” might have come from an artificial light sail, essentially turning it into a vehicle for interstellar traveling aliens (VISTA – I’m coining this term).
  2. 2I/Borisov: The second interstellar object, which was unambiguously a comet, complete with a fuzzy tail.

3I/ATLAS came along, exhibiting its own oddities, including fragmentation and inconsistent brightness, which, in the wake of ‘Oumuamua’s hype, fueled speculation that it too might be an alien interstellar vehicle (AIV – this deserves to be coined too), or at least a fragment of one.

What Is 3I/ATLAS, Really?

3I/ATLAS appears to be a loosely bound, icy object, something between a comet and a dirty snowball that’s seen better days. Its orbit is hyperbolic, meaning it’s just passing through. It’s also shedding mass in a way that makes some of its behavior look unusual: asymmetric outgassing, uneven rotation and possibly fragmentation.

Those traits, combined with its interstellar origin, have prompted a few folks to declare: “Aha! Aliens!”

But here’s the thing: if you take a freezer full of ice, throw it across space at tens of thousands of miles per hour, heat it up near a star, spin it like a carnival ride and wait 4.5 billion years, it’s pretty much guaranteed to behave strangely.

This is not the USS Enterprise. This is a cosmic snow cone on a reckless path.

3I/ATLAS deserves scientific study, yes, but not the ultra-sensationalized alien narrative we’ve seen. It’s a natural interstellar object. Fascinating, but decidedly not a VISTA.

 

UFOs vs. Aliens: The Two Questions We Confuse

About a decade ago a friend asked me, “Do you believe in UFOs?”

Now, I knew exactly what he meant, but his wording required a rescue mission. There are two very different, but incredibly interesting inquiries that we need to extract from that single sentence.

  1. “Have you ever seen a UFO?”

Yes.
Many times.
So have you.

We often forget what the acronym truly means: Unidentified Flying Object. It is not an Unidentified Alien Object (UAO – coining that, too). By definition, a UFO doesn’t have to be extraterrestrial. I’ve seen plenty of things native to our own planet that got me to wonder. Planes at odd angles, weather balloons, a drone at dusk, a bird, Venus being annoying or that one neighbor who insists on testing fireworks in February, all of which, at a distance, made me stop and ask, “What the…?”  Just because it’s a UFO doesn’t mean it’s an AIV, a UAO or a VISTA. Unidentified by me doesn’t mean it wasn’t built in a factory just down the road or hatched in the wetlands my home borders. It might simply mean that I need new glasses.

 

  1. “Do you believe in aliens?”

This is the deeper, more profound question and for me, it’s far more interesting. It’s also a question that depends more on personal world view than on telescopes and star charts.

Let me answer this as plot-your-own-adventure story, so I can hit people on both sides of aisle. No one likes an incomplete answer, especially if it does not match their personal world view. If you lean religious, follow the path on the left. If your guiding star is science, read the column on the right.

✝️ Theological Argument ✝️

⚛️ Astronomical Argument ⚛️
It is tempting to believe that God fashioned us in His own image, but I invite you to linger on the deeper implications of that idea. Imagine, for a moment, stepping into the role of a creator. Think back to your childhood, when you might have filled a jar with soil and introduced a handful of ants, either because it was a class assignment or because you read about it and wanted to try it yourself, curious to watch the ants carve out a world of their own. They built, explored, adapted. And of course, it rarely stopped at one jar. You’d prepare a second, perhaps a third, each with slightly different conditions, eager to observe how each colony changed and “evolved”.

With that in mind, it seems presumptuous to assume that God created only us and then felt perfectly satisfied with the outcome. Look at humanity, at our brilliance and our flaws. Are we satisfied with the result? If we are indeed made in His image, sharing even a faint reflection of His inquisitiveness, then wouldn’t it be only natural for Him to create other worlds, other experiments, other attempts at life?

To imagine otherwise is to deny the very curiosity and creative impulse we attribute to our creator. It’s impossible to think He made only one world with life and then said, “Yep, that’ll do.” Have you seen us lately? I doubt He stopped after one attempt. We’re not the image of perfection!

 We live in an impossibly complex universe. Let’s be honest: most of us can barely keep our own households from turning into a hot, sticky mess on any given Tuesday. Now stretch that chaos across the 9.3×10¹⁰ light-year span of the observable universe. Our own galaxy, just one modest swirl among many, contains somewhere between 100 and 200 billion stars. An earlier Hubble Space Telescope survey estimated at least 2 trillion galaxies in view. The James Webb Space Telescope has since suggested that the real number may be closer to 6 to 20 trillion.

Split the difference, and we’re talking on the order of 2 septillion stars — that’s 2×10²⁴. To put that in perspective: the odds of winning a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot is roughly 1 in 300 million. Winning both on the same night? About 1 in 90 quadrillion (9×10¹⁶). And yet, even those odds look cozy next to the fact that there are more than 22 million times that many stars scattered across the observable universe.  That’s multiplied by 22 million!

So, honestly, given this staggering scale, how unbelievably self-centered would we have to be to think we’re the only life in the cosmic megamall? The universe has to have produced other life, be it like us or completely different!

You Read Both Sides, Didn’t You?

Admit it. Like every kid who ever held a “plot-your-own-adventure” book, you flipped between pages just to get to the ending you wanted.

That’s okay. Both paths lead to the same conclusion: we’re probably not alone, not by a long shot.

Somewhere out there, whether nearby or impossibly distant, life must exist. Maybe microbes, maybe megafauna, maybe monkeys pounding on a black monolith, possibly even intelligent beings capable of building their own VISTAs.

 

Why 3I/ATLAS Isn’t the Secret Sauce

But, sadly, 3I/ATLAS still isn’t it.

While the curiosity surrounding the early interstellar objects is understandable, further observations have brought 3I/ATLAS back down to Earth (metaphorically speaking). Scientists concluded that the object’s behavior, including its fragmentation and disintegration as it neared the Sun, is entirely consistent with a natural, fragile comet.

The non-gravitational acceleration seen in ‘Oumuamua is still being debated, but there is scientific consensus that the acceleration was caused by radiation pressure on a very thin, porous object aided by sublimation of trapped hydrogen. For 3I/ATLAS, the evidence points overwhelmingly to ice sublimation and natural forces at play. It was a visitor from a distant world, a natural icy body born in another star system, loosely held together and behaving unpredictably because physics is sometimes dramatic, but it certainly was not a VISTA.

3I/ATLAS’ strange motion, asymmetric outgassing and odd brightness patterns come from volatile ices sublimating unevenly, not from alien engines, malfunctioning warp cores or cloaking devices in need of a firmware update.

It’s tempting to jump to the alien conclusion, but for now, we’ll have to keep waiting for definitive proof. If aliens were visiting, I doubt they’d show up in a fragile comet that disintegrates when you look at it funny. In the meantime, the fact that these natural interstellar travelers exist is exciting enough on its own.

 

So Where Does That Leave Us?

We live in a universe overflowing with possibilities. 3I/ATLAS isn’t a visitor from an alien civilization, but its existence reminds us that objects do cross between star systems, just as life might someday cross between worlds.

It’s a big universe. We’re just a tiny jar of ants. And someone, somewhere, probably has a second jar.

Post Views: 145
Posted in Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Take the Extra Minute: Hunting and Outdoor Safety

Posted on 2025-11-19 by The Narrator

Autumn doesn’t just bring cooler air and turning leaves. It also marks the height of hunting season across much of the country. For many, it’s a cherished time of tradition, skill and connection to the outdoors.

As the leaves drop and the air turns crisp, millions head into the woods for hunting season. This is a time when the wilderness is shared by hunters pursuing game, while hikers, campers, bird watchers and trail runners enjoy the quiet beauty of the autumn woods. That overlap means one thing: safety matters more than ever.

This shared space means safety isn’t just about what you do for yourself. It’s about what you do for everyone around you. Each year search and rescue teams respond to calls for lost hunters, missing hikers and accidental injuries that could have been prevented with just a bit of preparation.

For hunters, a single minute of preparation can be the difference between a successful, safe trip and a life-threatening search and rescue mission or worse, a preventable accident.

  1. #TakeTheExtraMinute to Mark Your Route

The excitement of the chase, combined with dense woods or pre-dawn light, can quickly turn familiar terrain into a confusing maze. When you are focused on tracking game, spatial awareness fades and the landscape often begins to look “all the same”.

The Problem: Lost hunters make up a notable portion of search and rescue missions during the fall. They often become disoriented when they venture off-trail in pursuit of game or tracking a downed animal, especially in low light or when weather rolls in. Many hunters venture off-trail or into dense cover and even the most experienced can lose their bearings.

The Solution: Mark Your Exit Strategy.

  • GPS/Digital Track: Don’t just rely on a paper map. Take a minute to check your GPS device or phone app (with downloaded maps) and set a waypoint at your vehicle. Turn on your track log feature before you start walking. However, always bring a physical map and compass as a backup. Batteries love to obey Murphy’s Law and technology is only as reliable as its charge.
  • Physical Markers: Use brightly colored, non-damaging flagging tape to mark your path or key points of reference as you move deeper. If all else fails, this may be your only way home. But be sure to pack it out on your way back!
  • Navigational Sketch: Mentally or physically sketch out your route, noting prominent features like ridges, drainages and clearings that will lead you back to known terrain. Photographing key waypoints may help you backtrack if visibility drops or you need to locate your camp or stand after you’ve gone off trail.

It only takes an extra minute to make sure you can find your way back and that can make all the difference between a long day and a long night, because the fastest way back is the path you planned.

  1. #TakeTheExtraMinute to Wear Orange

Visibility isn’t just a hunting regulation. It’s a lifesaver. It is the single greatest piece of safety equipment you carry and it protects both hunters and non-hunters alike. In the fall, natural camouflage is everywhere: browns, reds and grays. Wearing high-visibility blaze orange, yellow or pink is non-negotiable for mutual safety to dramatically reduce the risk of hunting accidents.

For Hunters: Wearing blaze orange significantly reduces your risk of being mistaken for game by another hunter. It allows you to safely move through the brush and increases your chances of being spotted quickly by a search team if you are injured or lost.

For All Outdoor Enthusiasts: If you are sharing the woods during hunting season, you are responsible for your own visibility. Do not rely on hunters to be the only ones wearing orange. Without proper clothing, you just look like a large flesh colored squirrel.

Four Legged Domestic Companions: Keep your pets visible too. A high-visibility collar or vest can prevent confusion and unnecessary accidents.

The Solution: Break the Camouflage.

  • Rule of Thumb: A highly visible item (hat, vest, pack cover) should be worn above the waist, visible from 360 degrees.
  • Pack Cover: If you are a hiker, throwing a brightly colored, reflective rain cover on your backpack is a minute of effort that provides maximum visibility.
  • Never Assume: Even if you are on a designated hiking-only trail, assume that the area around you is being hunted and dress accordingly.

The wilderness is big enough for everyone. Because a flash of high-viz helps everyone stay safe and saves lives, whether you’re carrying a rifle or just a hydration pack.

  1. #TakeTheExtraMinute to Check In and Check Out

It’s easy to think, “I’ll just be out for a few hours.” But plans change. A longer track, a missed trail or a fog that rolls in faster than expected can change your plan.

In search and rescue, the most valuable piece of information is the “where and when”. If search and rescue teams know where you intended to be and when you were due back, their search area is drastically reduced, cutting critical hours off the mission time.

Hunters often travel alone and into remote areas with no cell service. They may be delayed by weather, a difficult track or an injury and without a check-in plan, the delay before a search is initiated can be catastrophic.

The Solution: Establish a Firm Itinerary and Communication Plan.

  • The Check-In: Tell a reliable, non-participating contact your specific hunting location, the boundaries of your area and the model/color of your vehicle.
  • The Check-Out: Provide a non-negotiable return time. Instruct your contact: “If you don’t hear from me by 8:00 PM, assume I encountered a problem and call the authorities with my full itinerary.” This crucial step moves the responsibility for initiating a search onto a reliable contact.
  • Technology: Carry a satellite communication device, like a personal locator beacon or satellite messenger, if you are in a cell dead zone. Make sure that all of your electronics are charged and as ready as you are.

When someone knows your plan, search and rescue can start faster if something goes wrong. That “extra minute” of communication can save hours or even lives later. Because the clock starts ticking the minute you don’t call home.

 

Shared Wilderness, Shared Responsibility

As hunters, hikers, anglers and explorers, we all depend on the same landscapes. With more people venturing outdoors, awareness and courtesy go hand-in-hand with safety. Respect posted boundaries, follow local regulations and keep your situational awareness sharp, especially during active hunting seasons.

If you ever feel uncertain about your surroundings, navigation or visibility, stop, breathe and #TakeTheExtraMinute to reassess before continuing.

 

Final Thought on Responsibility

Hunting is a privileged, skilled activity that demands the highest level of respect for wildlife, the environment and fellow outdoor users. Your preparedness, your extra minute, doesn’t just ensure your own survival. It honors the ethical tradition of hunting and protects the safety of the shared wilderness.

Safety in the outdoors isn’t complicated. It’s intentional. Whether it’s marking your route, wearing bright colors or telling someone your plan, a few small actions can prevent a big emergency.

So this hunting season, as you lace up your boots and shoulder your pack, remember: “#TakeTheExtraMinute to plan, to be seen and to come home safe.” The woods don’t care how experienced you are, but your family does.

Post Views: 141
Posted in Search and Rescue | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

National I Love to Write Day: Why the Struggle is Worth It

Posted on 2025-11-15 by The Narrator

Today is National I Love to Write Day and I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about something I get asked more often than you’d think: “Why do you write?”

It’s a fair question. My friends read my blog, peering into whatever mental adventure I’m on this week and every now and then someone will ask what exactly drives me to sit down time after time and turn thoughts into paragraphs.

The answer isn’t simple. Few worthwhile answers are.

 

Why do I write?

The short version: writing helps me think.

When I write, I’m not just arranging words. I’m organizing thoughts, chasing ideas down side trails I wouldn’t normally take and discovering connections I didn’t know were there. Writing lets me explore concepts, test assumptions and occasionally stumble across truths I didn’t realize I believed.

I should also confess that writing is profoundly therapeutic. I could spend an hour on someone’s couch talking about my feelings or I could spend that same hour to dive into my own mind, spelunking through the caverns of my own inner space, armed with nothing but a keyboard and a questionable sense of direction. Writing helps me understand myself. It also helps me understand other people, which is surprising given how little writing is actually required when talking to anyone.

Writing, for me, is the ultimate tool for mental organization. My brain, left to its own devices, is a chaotic mess, a thrift store packed to the rafters with ideas, broken concepts and half-formed arguments. When I sit down to write, it forces me to sort through the clutter.

It helps me frame ideas, explore concepts and truly understand things I might otherwise only vaguely embrace. It’s the difference between glancing at a map and actually drawing the route yourself. It’s only by wrestling with the language, trying to put that fuzzy thought into a crisp, clean sentence, that I realize what I actually believe or what I’m truly trying to say.

The blank page offers zero judgment. It’s a silent, dedicated listener where I can dig into complicated emotions, explore conflicting motivations and ultimately, understand myself a little better. By understanding my own messy internal landscape, I find I gain a little more grace and insight into the people around me, too.

But writing takes time and I don’t have much of that.

Free time and I have a complicated relationship. It’s a mythical creature that I rarely encounter. We see each other usually in the dark. My writing windows tend to be

  • Early morning, before anyone else wakes up and before the day starts making demands.
  • Late evening, when I have those precious few quiet minutes before bed.

That’s usually it. Creativity, unfortunately, does not always RSVP for those windows.

Writing is hard. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Sure, anyone can slap a few words onto a page. That’s how all of my ideas start. But is it real writing? Real writing tries to say something. It tries to explore an idea with clarity and shape it into something eloquent or at least coherent.

 

The Sacrifice and the Scraps.

And then comes the editing.

My process is probably a bit obsessive. Left to my own devices, I will edit compulsively. I will edit the edits. I will revise the revision of the revision. I have to set deadlines or I’d still be tweaking this sentence. It’s a minor sentence in the essay, but maybe given enough edits, I can make it sound profound.  Saying “this is as good as it gets” is an effort of faith.  Maybe just one more edit…

We write all the time, all great ideas.  To do lists, notes to self, grocery store objectives. All of it is a stream of unconsolidated thought. True writing is different. It has to be compelling, thoughtful, inspiring.  We, as a civilization, write to present ideas, to question assumptions, to incite action. I learned that in graduate school. You have to challenge accepted norms to make that next incremental step. It’s a slow iteration from word to sentence to paragraph. To me, the craft of writing is exploring ideas and concepts and then organizing those words in an elegant, impactful way. That’s probably the hardest part.

The truth is, most of what I write never sees the light of day. On an average blog, only about 10% of what I write actually gets published. The other 90% are ideas, some good, some questionable, some cursed, that simply don’t fit the final message. These orphans of creativity are scattered across notebooks, tablets and computer folders. Some wait patiently for a future home. Others hope I forget they exist.

 

The Muse.

Finally, there’s the muse.

I do have one, but we absolutely do not keep the same schedule. Sometimes, I’m lucky enough to get what feels like a surprise conjugal visit.

Inspiration strikes and suddenly I can write a polished page a minute, my fingers barely keeping up. Ideas flow like a faucet that has no shutoff valve. My fingers can’t hit the keyboard fast enough.

Other times, I stare at a blank screen for an hour, a silent empty void, attempting to will words to appear, and the page stays accusingly blank and judgmental as ever.

That’s the truth of writing: it’s glorious, frustrating, clarifying, exhausting and deeply rewarding, even when it feels like dragging thoughts uphill through wet cement.

So why do I write?

Because it helps me become a better thinker, a better observer and hopefully a better human.
Because ideas deserve room to breathe.
Because stories matter.
Because reflection is its own kind of compass.
Because the act of writing itself teaches me things I didn’t realize I needed to learn.

And maybe, simply, because I love it. Ultimately, I write because it is the most honest work I do. It’s the hard time-consuming effort that forces my brain to be clear, my heart to be understood and my voice to be heard, even if only by myself.

Happy National I Love to Write Day to everyone who wrestles with words, courts their muse and battles the blank page, but keeps writing anyway.

Post Views: 156
Posted in Language | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Paladin’s Dilemma: When Saving a Life Risks Your Soul

Posted on 2025-11-13 by The Narrator

There are moments in search and rescue that test not your training, not your endurance, but your soul.

I joined search and rescue with a clear, singular purpose: to help those in distress. When a call drops, my moral compass spins to one true north: there is someone lost, cold, injured and if I do nothing, they die. My job, my calling, is an act of fundamental goodness. It is an act of commission, the decision to go out and intervene.

But sometimes, on a frozen ridgeline or in the middle of a swirling storm, that compass shatters. We become trapped by a question where the right decision is impossible to find. It becomes an unanswerable question when searching for the path that does not exist.

The Philosophical Trap

To understand the weight of this choice, think of it in fantasy terms — a moral framework most of us learned on Dungeons & Dragons nights or watching Lord of the Rings. This is the Paladin’s Dilemma. A Paladin is a hero bound not just to do right, but to be right, even when those two things don’t align.

Imagine you are a Paladin, a warrior sworn to both Lawfulness and Goodness. You are running from a collapsing mountain fortress. Before you, an Orc kneels, a creature of inherent evil, a member of a race long known for cruelty and destruction. He begs for your help, swearing on his life that he will never harm a soul if you save him. You can save him, but you’ll never make it out together. Each of you will go your separate ways before you escape. Help him and you may unleash evil again. Leave him and you condemn him to certain death.

What do you do?

  • The Sin of Omission (Good): The moral thing is to save anyone in distress. Mercy and compassion demand it. Failure to save a person you can easily reach is a sin, an act of omission. You can not judge a person to death for a crime they might commit.
  • The Sin of Commission (Lawful): The lawful thing is to prevent harm from coming to others in the future. You know the history of the Orc race. You know the oath is probably a fleeting moment of desperation. If you save him, knowing he will renege and likely cause future harm, you have actively enabled the suffering of others.

Do you compromise your morals and leave him to die or do you risk creating a monster? Either way, something dies — the Orc or a part of you.

Walt Longmire’s haunting introspection cuts deep: “Do you ever feel you’ve created more evil than you’ve stopped?”

The Reality of the Freeze Line

This is not a fantasy game. This is the reality of my recent mission: an elderly man with existing medical issues, missing for two days. He was someone’s father, someone’s husband, out there in the cold, possibly already fallen. Every instinct, every ounce of my moral fiber screamed, We keep searching. We don’t stop.

The second night was going to dip well below freezing. We were no closer to finding him and the terrain and rapidly dropping temperatures were starting to turn on my team. The search was becoming hazardous to the rescuers. We had scoured the terrain, pushed our limits and now the search itself threatened to consume us. We were cold, exhausted and no closer to finding him. The terrain was unforgiving, the wind cut through our layers and we knew that one misstep could mean another casualty, one of our own. Hazardous conditions whispered warnings of injury, of tragedy befalling the searchers themselves and they demanded our attention.

This is the rescuer’s dilemma: I must save the subject, but I must also protect the team.

In search and rescue we talk about risk versus gain. It’s neat on paper, clinical in the training manual. But in the dark, when your boots are soaked through and the radio crackles with the sound of distant voices battling the elements, it’s no longer a formula. It’s a reckoning.

How do you weigh one life against another when the scales are built from uncertainty? Maybe he’s still alive and we can find him. Do you push on, chasing the hope of a miracle? Or do you pull your team back, preserving the living at the cost of the lost? Maybe if we continue, nothing bad will happen to us. Just like in Dungeons & Dragons, is this a roll of the dice? There is no truly right answer. Only a burden you choose to carry.

My obligation to the subject is profound, but it is an individual obligation. My obligation to the team — mothers, fathers and friends — is a communal and lawful one. When the risk of injury, hypothermia or worse to a rescuer surpasses the probability of finding the subject alive, the equation shifts from rescue to recovery.

The Hard, Human Decision

In the Paladin’s story, there is always time for a moral debate. In search and rescue, that debate happens in seconds, based on data, not philosophy. The decision is not about creating future evil. It is about preventing immediate, unnecessary harm.

Our leadership has to ask:

  1. Probability of Survival (Good): Given the subject’s age, pre-existing conditions, the elapsed time and a night below freezing, what is the honest, medically informed probability that we will still find him alive?
  2. Risk to Rescuers (Lawful): What is the calculated risk — ice, snow, darkness, fatigue — to the searchers right now? Is the risk now equal to or greater than the chance of a successful rescue?

When the risk to rescuers clearly outweighs the probability of finding a living subject, the “right” decision is the hardest one: we transition to a recovery operation by pulling the team out.

This choice is not about heartlessness. It is about stewardship. As a rescuer, my promise to my community is twofold: I will risk my life to save others, but I will not risk two lives (a rescuer and the subject) when the subject is likely already gone. Leaving the field on that second freezing night is not a sin of omission against the lost person. It is an act of commission to protect the living. At least that’s what I have to tell myself.

Finding Balance in the Law of Good

Search and rescue isn’t about finding answers. Often, it’s about living through questions. Like the Orc’s plea, we’re confronted with irresolvable tensions between duty and risk, morality and consequence. Maybe the effort itself is the response. Imperfect, human, necessary.

Ultimately, the Paladin’s Dilemma in the field is solved by acknowledging the oath to the team first.

We continue the search with every resource until that line is crossed. When it is, we make the call. We use technology — drones, thermal imaging — to search from the air, mitigating the ground risk. We shift to smaller, specialized teams. But when the time comes and the moral choice of saving the subject conflicts with the lawful choice of protecting the team, we prioritize the living.

In the end, it’s less about solving the dilemma and more about bearing witness to it, acknowledging the weight of decisions where right and wrong dissolve into shadow. We search because we must. We choose because we can. And in that choosing lies the echo of what it means to be human. Sometimes, being a rescuer means understanding that compassion and caution can be at odds and that both can be right. Maybe that’s the heart of the Paladin’s Dilemma: you don’t always get to be the hero. Sometimes, you’re the steward of impossible choices, the quiet keeper of decisions no one else wants to make.

You don’t leave people behind, but you also don’t sacrifice the living in a blind chase for redemption. You #TakeTheExtraMinute, not just to search, but to think. To weigh. To pray. To remember that “doing good” isn’t always clean or comfortable.

It’s a deeply painful choice. It never feels like victory. It feels like a burden, the burden of being the one who had to make the impossible decision. But that is the final, true test of the oath: to accept the pain of not being able to save everyone, so that the life and health of the community’s active rescuers can be preserved for the next call. That is how we ensure that our act of goodness can continue, even if you spend the night staring at the dark ceiling, wondering if your commitment to the greater good took away a piece of your soul. You are warm, but your soul is tormented.

And when dawn comes, you shoulder your pack again. Because even when the right answer is impossible, doing your best in the space between right and wrong is what makes you a Paladin.

Post Views: 168
Posted in Search and Rescue | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chaos Never Dies Day: Just Stop Fighting It — Even Your Laundry Has Given Up

Posted on 2025-11-09 by The Narrator

Today, November 9th, is a day of great philosophical importance. It is Chaos Never Dies Day, a perfect celebration for anyone whose life currently resembles a poorly organized junk drawer.

There are a lot of weird holidays out there — “National Sock Day”, “Talk Like a Pirate Day” and “Hug Your Cat Before It Plots Against You Day” (which I absolutely need to research in more detail), but none speak to the human condition quite like Chaos Never Dies Day.

If you’re already behind on email, the dishwasher smells faintly of failure and you just found a permission slip from three weeks ago, this day is for you. This isn’t a day for solving problems. It’s a day for throwing your hands up in a grand gesture of noble surrender to the glorious, unmanageable mess that is human existence. The premise is simple: you’re never going to get your life completely together, so stop pretending you might.

The Universal Law of Unfinished Business

Somewhere, a calendar designer decided we needed a holiday to acknowledge that the universe runs not on logic, but on coffee and questionable decisions. If you’ve ever made a to-do list, completed none of it, and then proudly added “make to-do list”, just so you could cross something off, this day is for you.

Chaos Never Dies Day is that deep, cosmic truth: no matter how hard you try, entropy has your number. You can color-code your inbox, alphabetize your spices and buy one of those “live-laugh-love” planners, but the cat will still leave a hairball on your notes, the printer will jam and your email will somehow send to “reply all” and include your boss.

 

The Myth of The Catch-Up

You’re never truly whole. We’ve all been there. You get a surge of organizational energy, you buy three types of labeled plastic bins and you swear that this time, you will achieve inbox zero, a perfectly minimal wardrobe and a meal-prep routine worthy of a professional athlete.

But life is like a hydraulic press, constantly fighting against the clean lines of your organizational system. You file one document, three more spontaneously generate. You clear the dining room table, the kids instantly stage a six-hour glitter-based manufacturing operation on it.

This constant fight is exhausting. And that is why we celebrate today.

Chaos Never Dies Day is our annual reminder that the pursuit of permanent order is a fool’s errand. It’s like trying to drain the ocean. The moment you achieve total order, the universe sees a vacuum and immediately fills it with a new, worse form of disorder, probably involving unexpected plumbing issues, a Tupperware container with something fuzzy and green in it and a sudden desire to learn the clarinet.

 

Your Official Guide to Radical Acceptance

How do you properly observe this holiday? Simple. You must deliberately choose to loosen your grip on control and let a few things slide. Well, a lot of things slide. A few slide every day. Today is the day to set a new high-water mark.

  1. Embrace the Pile

Do you have a chair in your room that has evolved from furniture into a highly compressed, multi-layered textile museum? Today, it stays. Do not touch it. Do not look at it with disappointment. Name the pile. Clarence sounds good. Clarence is part of the family now. Bring Clarence something extra to hold onto today.

  1. The Five-Minute Rule

If a small task comes up that would take five minutes to fix (loading the last three coffee mugs in the dishwasher, putting the shoes back on the rack, closing the blinds in the living room), don’t do it. Let it sit there. A small five-minute task is the perfect microcosm of the unending nature of chores. By leaving it, you are making a bold, philosophical statement: “I see you, tiny disorder, and I refuse to engage in your eternal war.” See if ignoring it will starve it out.

  1. The Menu of Magnificent Failure

Cook dinner using only what is about to expire in your fridge (sans that Tupperware container), without consulting a recipe. The result will be chaotic, possibly tragic, but it will be a perfect, spontaneous homage to the day. If it’s inedible, great! That just further proves the thesis of the holiday.

  1. The Grand Pronouncement

When something minor goes wrong today — you spill your coffee, your computer crashes right before you hit save or you realize you drove all the way to work with your shirt inside out — do not get stressed.

Instead, bow slightly, sigh contentedly and announce to the room: “Ah, yes. Chaos Never Dies. A beautiful symmetry.”

It makes the moment sound less like a mistake and more like a profound spiritual reckoning.

  1. Practice Controlled Surrender

Not everything can be fixed, sorted or solved and that’s okay. Light a candle, pour a drink or just breathe for a moment and whisper, “I didn’t choose the chaos life. The chaos life chose me.” Step up to the challenge. Say “yes” to something mildly ridiculous. (Disclaimer: I said mildly.)

Life’s Great Cosmic Joke

Here’s the secret: chaos isn’t the enemy. It’s the punchline. It keeps life unpredictable, humbling and often hilarious. If you think you’ve got everything under control, you’re either in denial or in a coma.

We spend 364 days of the year trying to contain the universe inside a label maker. Today, let’s be okay with the fact that everything is slightly out of control, mildly sticky and probably just fine.

So stop chasing perfection. Laugh at the absurdity, high-five entropy and maybe eat cake for breakfast (so long as it’s not that green fuzzy stuff). The universe is running on broken pencils and half-charged batteries, but you’re still here, showing up, doing your best and occasionally finding your car keys.

Go forth, embrace your disarray and celebrate this wonderful, perfectly disorganized holiday. You can start worrying about your filing system again tomorrow. Maybe.

Because chaos never dies. It just hits snooze.

And keep an eye on that cat.

Post Views: 175
Posted in Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Take the Extra Minute: Before the Dark Falls

Posted on 2025-11-05 by The Narrator

The shift is here. Since the summer solstice, our daylight has been steadily retreating and since the fall equinox, the night has officially been winning the tug-of-war. But when the clocks “fall back” for Daylight Saving Time, we experience a sudden, massive jump: the sun now sets a whole hour earlier than it did the day before.

Technically, in the astronomical sense, the sun sets exactly when it’s supposed to, but to your internal clock and to your car’s clock and to the annoying nightstand clock radio, the sunset has been abruptly reframed. Our measuring stick for time moved backward by an hour and suddenly dusk arrives like someone flipped a switch.

There’s a natural, lingering appeal to being out later, enjoying the crisp autumn air and the last vestiges of the day. However, this is the time of year when sunsets come fast and that earlier-feeling darkness is not just a nuisance. It’s a safety hazard. People recreating in the wilderness are statistically more likely to get stranded outdoors because they haven’t adjusted their perception to the dramatically earlier nightfall.

What felt like a comfortable afternoon hike last week can become a surprise night operation this week. And this time of year, that surprise happens a lot.

The Scariest Thing This Season

Forget the costumes, the ghouls and the ghost stories of Halloween. The scariest thing this season is being caught unprepared after dark.

There’s a certain charm to late-day adventures: the warm afternoon light, fewer crowds and cooler temperatures, but early winter sunsets are deceptive.

For hikers, climbers, runners and all outdoor enthusiasts, this time of year demands a mental shift. A trail you know well in summer daylight can become confusing and hazardous in the sudden darkness. Before you know it, the world goes dim, shadows stretch across the trail, temperatures drop and what was a scenic hike becomes a navigational challenge. When footing becomes uncertain, your risk of a simple navigation error or a twist of the ankle skyrockets.

This is when search and rescue teams see a bump in calls, not because people made catastrophic mistakes, but because they misjudged the shrinking daylight by just a little. And that “little” is exactly where your extra minute matters.

This is where the #TakeTheExtraMinute campaign becomes absolutely vital. You don’t need hours of planning. You need one crucial minute of foresight.

Dusk Safety Checklist: Take the Extra Minute

Before you leave the trailhead or your camp, #TakeTheExtraMinute to ask yourself these questions:

  • Check Your Clock (and the Sun!): What is the exact official sunset time for your location today? And what time do you need to start your return trip to be back at your car before that time? Establish a non-negotiable turnaround time and stick to it.
  • Lights On: Check your headlamp batteries. Is your spare set also packed? A phone flashlight is not a sufficient substitute for a dedicated headlamp on a trail.
  • Visibility: Do you have extra layers of bright or reflective clothing? Even if you’re not planning to be out past dark, being visible to others (and to rescuers in particular) is critical.  Don’t camouflage yourself like the rocks around you.
  • Navigation Check: Take a quick minute to review your route on your map or GPS device. Knowing exactly where you are when the light fades is key.
  • Weather Check: Cloudy days get dark even earlier. Storms make twilight vanish. And it does not take much snow to obscure the trail any time of day.

 

Headlamps Beat Headlights Every Time

No one wants a rescue vehicle to be the first light you see.

There’s a special kind of dread that creeps in when the forest goes quiet, the trail disappears and the only light left in your life is the faint glow of your phone battery dipping into the single digits. You tell yourself you’re fine. You insist you “know this trail”. You wave your phone around like a desperate lighthouse keeper, hoping the beam will magically widen.

And then, just when your night vision is giving up on you, you spot lights. Big, bright, unmistakable headlights. Except they’re not trail magic. They’re your local search and rescue team, parking at the trailhead because someone (probably you) didn’t pack a headlamp.

Most people don’t plan to be out after dark. But the dark doesn’t wait for permission. Trails take longer than expected. Photos take more time than you thought. A junction gets missed. The dog gets distracted by a squirrel seminar in the bushes. Suddenly, day becomes dusk, dusk becomes oops and oops becomes a rescue call.

The headlamp rule is simple. If you wouldn’t leave the house without your keys, you shouldn’t leave the trailhead without your light. Because at the end of the day, or more accurately, after the end of the day, your headlamp should be the first light you rely on, not ours.

Final Thought

Darkness isn’t the enemy. Surprise is. This season, let’s make sure the sun isn’t the one catching you off guard.

So before you head out, pause.
Breathe.
And #TakeTheExtraMinute before the dark falls.

Your future well-lit self will thank you.

Enjoy the beauty of the season, but respect the darkness. A few minutes of preparation is all it takes to keep your adventure safe and fun!

Post Views: 152
Posted in Adventure, Search and Rescue | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

COEXIST — Just Not With You

Posted on 2025-11-04 by The Narrator

We’ve all seen it, that little optimistic flag of harmony, the COEXIST bumper sticker. C, the Crescent Moon and Star of Islam; O, the sign of peace; E, the equality of genders; X, the Star of David, representing Judaism; I, with the wicca pentacle, representing Pagan religions; S, the intertwined Yin and Yang of Buddhism and T, Christianity’s simple cross.

☪☮⚥✡ῐ☯✝

It’s a beautifully designed sincere plea for global tolerance. And I support it. Genuinely. I want to live in the kind of world where Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Wiccans and proponents of equality and peace can share a planet without setting things on fire. If you stumbled onto this blog and don’t share the same view, maybe the powers that you worship wanted you to look at this for a second consideration. Please be patient with the message and see this article through to the end.

I think it’s safe to say that we all want to coexist. Most of us, anyway.  We have to. It’s not like some of us can just pick up and move to live on Mars.  Except, maybe, Elon Musk.  The rest of us just don’t have those resources. We have to share this world with people who are not like us, to COEXIST. The very word oozes with virtue. COEXIST. To exist together. Who doesn’t want to live in a world where everyone gets along? A place where multiple religious symbols and social ideals share real estate on a single word — ☪☮⚥✡ῐ☯✝ — and everyone waves politely in traffic. That would be a wonderful world indeed.

It’s the bumper-sticker equivalent of a warm hug and a fair-trade latte. Slap it on your car and you’ve publicly declared yourself an enlightened being. You’re not just driving to work. You’re cruising toward world peace. It’s hard to find fault with the message, much like I’d struggle to argue against kittens and sunshine, but, as with all things, it’s the execution that can sometimes fall flat. Sometimes life hands you a piece of irony so crisp, so perfectly packaged in passive-aggressive automotive decoration, that you just have to pull over and appreciate it.

I was recently crossing a parking lot — a neutral zone, if you will — when I encountered a vehicle carrying the full burden of its owner’s conflicted soul. On the bottom, taking the spiritual high ground, was the COEXIST sticker, glowing like a halo on the rear bumper, and above it, in a place of pride, was a sticker that read, “My Border Collie is Smarter Than Your Honor Student.” The bumper sticker of peace and smugness.

Now, I’m no fan of dissing on hardworking students, but let’s be real. This sticker is about as anti-coexistence as it gets. It’s like wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt while simultaneously pointing to your own face. The humor, of course, lies in the irony. Here we have someone proclaiming their commitment to coexistence while simultaneously broadcasting their rather “unique” parenting style. It’s like they’re trying to win some sort of bet on who can be the most tone-deaf.

The Problem with Conditional Coexistence

Now, maybe this driver’s just having fun. Maybe they’re a perfectly pleasant person who recycles, tips well and really loves their border collie. But you can’t help noticing the irony. It’s like preaching nonviolence while swinging a passive-aggressive club.

You’re asking the world to coexist, as long as everyone else recognizes that your dog is a genius and, by extension, you’re the chosen one who trained him.

This is where we’ve landed as a culture. We want peace, but on our terms. We’ll hold hands, sing Kumbaya and post about tolerance, as long as nobody cuts us off, disagrees with us online or has a less gifted golden retriever.

It reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s brilliant observation: “We all know there are people out there who do not love their fellow man and I hate people like that!”

Exactly. The paradox of modern kindness. We adore humanity, in theory. We just can’t stand most of the humans.

Putting aside the fact that the border collie bumper sticker is pitting domestic livestock against the public education system is a peculiar form of competitive parenting, the implication here is astounding. It’s a perfect visual demonstration of Conditional Coexistence.

“I fully embrace global interfaith tolerance,” the bumper says. “I will gladly accept you, whether you worship Mecca, Medina or the Moon, so long as your offspring haven’t achieved an academic benchmark that threatens the fragile superiority complex of my herding dog.”

The COEXIST sticker is meant to convey an open mind. The dog sticker immediately slams the door in the face of anyone who might be proud of their child’s hard work. It manages to simultaneously project virtue (we are all one!) and profound pettiness (but my dog is still better than your kid!).

It’s a bumper sticker that’s a perfect snarky companion to the ones that read “Keep honking, I’m reloading.”, “Visualize whirled peas.” and “My kid beat up your honor student.” It’s like we’re saying, “Let’s coexist, but just remember who’s doing it better.”

The Social Implications of the Double Message

What does this vehicular paradox tell us about the social utility of these well-meaning decals?

  1. Virtue Signaling vs. Actual Virtue: The COEXIST sticker is the ultimate piece of low-effort virtue signaling. It allows the owner to declare, “I am a good person who cares about serious global issues,” without ever having to step outside their comfort zone or engage in multifaith dialogue. The border collie sticker, however, rips the mask off, revealing that their capacity for tolerance doesn’t even go so far as the nearest elementary school playground. We want to be seen as tolerant, but not necessarily to do the hard work of tolerating. We want coexistence without inconvenience, harmony without humility and world peace with a side of self-satisfaction.
  2. The Limits of Empathy: The entire point of the COEXIST movement is to acknowledge fundamental differences (in religion, gender, philosophy) and choose peace anyway. The border collie message rejects that premise entirely. It finds a new, arbitrary basis for division — intelligence, performance and parental pride — and uses it to establish superiority. If you can’t coexist with the hypothetical parent of an honor student, how exactly are you going to coexist with, say, a strict ascetic whose life view fundamentally clashes with your own?
  3. The Complexity of the Self: Perhaps the most sardonic reading is that the two stickers perfectly encapsulate the human condition: we aspire to be globally minded, charitable and open, yet we remain deeply insecure and desperately competitive about the smallest things we own, even our pets.

I truly hope that driver is an otherwise kind and decent person, but I’m going to assume that their border collie, bless its brilliant heart, has a complex and some very deep issues to work through. Because in the hierarchy of that vehicle, world peace takes a back seat to dog-mom bragging rights.

So yes, let’s coexist. Let’s all just get along. But maybe, before we slap another sticker on the bumper, we take a minute to make sure our border collies and our egos are properly trained.

Post Views: 151
Posted in Society | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment