COEXIST — Just Not With You

We’ve all seen it, that little optimistic flag of harmony, the COEXIST bumper sticker. C, the Crescent Moon and Star of Islam; O, the sign of peace; E, the equality of genders; X, the Star of David, representing Judaism; I, with the wicca pentacle, representing Pagan religions; S, the intertwined Yin and Yang of Buddhism and T, Christianity’s simple cross.

☪☮⚥✡ῐ☯✝

It’s a beautifully designed sincere plea for global tolerance. And I support it. Genuinely. I want to live in the kind of world where Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Wiccans and proponents of equality and peace can share a planet without setting things on fire. If you stumbled onto this blog and don’t share the same view, maybe the powers that you worship wanted you to look at this for a second consideration. Please be patient with the message and see this article through to the end.

I think it’s safe to say that we all want to coexist. Most of us, anyway.  We have to. It’s not like some of us can just pick up and move to live on Mars.  Except, maybe, Elon Musk.  The rest of us just don’t have those resources. We have to share this world with people who are not like us, to COEXIST. The very word oozes with virtue. COEXIST. To exist together. Who doesn’t want to live in a world where everyone gets along? A place where multiple religious symbols and social ideals share real estate on a single word — ☪☮⚥✡ῐ☯✝ — and everyone waves politely in traffic. That would be a wonderful world indeed.

It’s the bumper-sticker equivalent of a warm hug and a fair-trade latte. Slap it on your car and you’ve publicly declared yourself an enlightened being. You’re not just driving to work. You’re cruising toward world peace. It’s hard to find fault with the message, much like I’d struggle to argue against kittens and sunshine, but, as with all things, it’s the execution that can sometimes fall flat. Sometimes life hands you a piece of irony so crisp, so perfectly packaged in passive-aggressive automotive decoration, that you just have to pull over and appreciate it.

I was recently crossing a parking lot — a neutral zone, if you will — when I encountered a vehicle carrying the full burden of its owner’s conflicted soul. On the bottom, taking the spiritual high ground, was the COEXIST sticker, glowing like a halo on the rear bumper, and above it, in a place of pride, was a sticker that read, “My Border Collie is Smarter Than Your Honor Student.” The bumper sticker of peace and smugness.

Now, I’m no fan of dissing on hardworking students, but let’s be real. This sticker is about as anti-coexistence as it gets. It’s like wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt while simultaneously pointing to your own face. The humor, of course, lies in the irony. Here we have someone proclaiming their commitment to coexistence while simultaneously broadcasting their rather “unique” parenting style. It’s like they’re trying to win some sort of bet on who can be the most tone-deaf.

The Problem with Conditional Coexistence

Now, maybe this driver’s just having fun. Maybe they’re a perfectly pleasant person who recycles, tips well and really loves their border collie. But you can’t help noticing the irony. It’s like preaching nonviolence while swinging a passive-aggressive club.

You’re asking the world to coexist, as long as everyone else recognizes that your dog is a genius and, by extension, you’re the chosen one who trained him.

This is where we’ve landed as a culture. We want peace, but on our terms. We’ll hold hands, sing Kumbaya and post about tolerance, as long as nobody cuts us off, disagrees with us online or has a less gifted golden retriever.

It reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s brilliant observation: “We all know there are people out there who do not love their fellow man and I hate people like that!”

Exactly. The paradox of modern kindness. We adore humanity, in theory. We just can’t stand most of the humans.

Putting aside the fact that the border collie bumper sticker is pitting domestic livestock against the public education system is a peculiar form of competitive parenting, the implication here is astounding. It’s a perfect visual demonstration of Conditional Coexistence.

“I fully embrace global interfaith tolerance,” the bumper says. “I will gladly accept you, whether you worship Mecca, Medina or the Moon, so long as your offspring haven’t achieved an academic benchmark that threatens the fragile superiority complex of my herding dog.”

The COEXIST sticker is meant to convey an open mind. The dog sticker immediately slams the door in the face of anyone who might be proud of their child’s hard work. It manages to simultaneously project virtue (we are all one!) and profound pettiness (but my dog is still better than your kid!).

It’s a bumper sticker that’s a perfect snarky companion to the ones that read “Keep honking, I’m reloading.”, “Visualize whirled peas.” and “My kid beat up your honor student.” It’s like we’re saying, “Let’s coexist, but just remember who’s doing it better.”

The Social Implications of the Double Message

What does this vehicular paradox tell us about the social utility of these well-meaning decals?

1. Virtue Signaling vs. Actual Virtue: The COEXIST sticker is the ultimate piece of low-effort virtue signaling. It allows the owner to declare, “I am a good person who cares about serious global issues,” without ever having to step outside their comfort zone or engage in multifaith dialogue. The border collie sticker, however, rips the mask off, revealing that their capacity for tolerance doesn’t even go so far as the nearest elementary school playground. We want to be seen as tolerant, but not necessarily to do the hard work of tolerating. We want coexistence without inconvenience, harmony without humility and world peace with a side of self-satisfaction.
2. The Limits of Empathy: The entire point of the COEXIST movement is to acknowledge fundamental differences (in religion, gender, philosophy) and choose peace anyway. The border collie message rejects that premise entirely. It finds a new, arbitrary basis for division — intelligence, performance and parental pride — and uses it to establish superiority. If you can’t coexist with the hypothetical parent of an honor student, how exactly are you going to coexist with, say, a strict ascetic whose life view fundamentally clashes with your own?
3. The Complexity of the Self: Perhaps the most sardonic reading is that the two stickers perfectly encapsulate the human condition: we aspire to be globally minded, charitable and open, yet we remain deeply insecure and desperately competitive about the smallest things we own, even our pets.

I truly hope that driver is an otherwise kind and decent person, but I’m going to assume that their border collie, bless its brilliant heart, has a complex and some very deep issues to work through. Because in the hierarchy of that vehicle, world peace takes a back seat to dog-mom bragging rights.

So yes, let’s coexist. Let’s all just get along. But maybe, before we slap another sticker on the bumper, we take a minute to make sure our border collies and our egos are properly trained.