When Humans Attack: A Cautionary Tale About Wildlife Encounters

A coworker of mine recently went to Yellowstone Bear World, a private animal reserve in West Yellowstone, Montana, to hold, pet and bottle feed bear cubs.  This seems wrong on so many levels.  We often see news stories about “adults”, who should know better, getting into trouble for trying to engage a wild animal in a social situation, much as a you would a member of your target sex at a bar.  This may work well when you’re trying to pick up a date, but having the same tryst with a bear, a majestic snacking machine wrapped in fur, will not yield the results you may be after.

We’ve all seen those adorable wildlife photos on Instagram: a curious bear cub sniffing a backpack, a playful dolphin leaping alongside a boat, a squirrel perched on a bird feeder, seemingly posing for the camera. These images paint a picture of harmonious coexistence between humans and nature, but the reality can be quite different.

Let’s face it, humans can be a bit overzealous when it comes to wildlife encounters. We want that perfect selfie, that Instagram-worthy video, those bragging rights for having come face-to-face with a wild creature. And sometimes, our desire for a close encounter can backfire spectacularly, in a close encounter sort of way.

🦫 The Belarus Beaver Brawl

Take the unfortunate incident of the Belarusian fisherman who met his demise at the teeth of a beaver. Instead of admiring the majestic rodent from a safe distance like a sane person, he decided he needed a photo with it, in his arms. The beaver disagreed. One bite later, a femoral artery was opened and, tragically, the man died, the only documented human death attributed to a beaver. Beavers aren’t exactly known for their cuddly dispositions. They generally keep to themselves, unless being hugged by an enthusiastic tourist.

Sadly, this is not an isolated incident, it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Humans have a long and illustrious history of pushing their luck with wildlife, often with hilarious (and usually painful) consequences:

🦬 Yellowstone’s Annual Bison Toss

Every year, the bison in Yellowstone National Park star in a reality show called “Tourists Gone Wild”. There was the woman who tried to pet a bison. The guy who posed next to one. The child whose parents encouraged him to get “just a little closer”. And then there was the guy who thought it’d be hilarious to high-five a bison at Yellowstone National Park. The result? People getting flipped into the air like rag dolls at a rodeo.

🐻 Bear with Me, This Won’t End Well

Let’s talk about the man who tried to feed a bear a sandwich. Yes, an actual, full-grown man offered a large black bear a peanut butter sandwich from the confines of his tent. The bear, being a bear, accepted the sandwich. Then it decided it also wanted the sleeping bag, the cooler and possibly the man’s foot.  A hiker, attempting to show off his “connection with nature”, tried to give a bear a hug. The bear, understandably, did not comprehend this display of affection, but responded in kind, anyway. Then there’s the couple who posed for a photo with a bear in Romania, only to realize too late that the bear wasn’t exactly thrilled about the photo shoot. They narrowly escaped with their lives, but not before the bear swiped at them.  Keep in mind, a swing and a miss is considered assault.  A swing and a hit is considered battery.  Shockingly, the bear was blamed for being the villain.

🐊 The Alligator Wrestler

A Florida man, convinced of his “man vs. nature” prowess, decided to imitate Crocodile Dundee and wrestle an alligator.  The odds were with the alligator that day.  And then there was the Florida man who simply tried to pet a wild alligator. That’s not the same as just attempting to pin it down, right? Because reaching out to touch a huge reptile with razor-sharp teeth and a bone crushing bite is basically the same as petting a kitten. He learned the hard way that alligators don’t do snuggles. Alligators don’t hate humans. They just think of us the way we might think of a chicken nugget that wandered into our kitchen — unexpected, slightly confusing, but ultimately kind of tasty.

🐘 The Elephant Who Had Enough

Somewhere in Asia, a man thought it would be fun to get out of his safari vehicle and slap an elephant on the rear for his TikTok feed. Now, elephants are generally patient creatures, but given a potential proctology exam, this one voiced a protest. The man was promptly chased, caught and tossed into a bush like an empty soda can.

So, Why Do We Keep Doing This?

Because humans, bless our Instagram-loving hearts, often mistake wild animals for Disney characters.  We forget that:

• Beavers are not stuffed toys.
• Bison aren’t just furry cows.
• Bears recognize us at the weirdest, noisiest trail mix that ever lived.
• Alligators don’t really care that we’re not shaped like fish.
• Elephants probably view us the same way that we would view an overly caffeinated squirrel, wearing clothes.

And ultimately, nature doesn’t care how many likes you’ll get on your posts.  Mother Nature truly doesn’t care if yet another monkey, in a loud Hawaiian shirt, loses a limb.  Or four.

A Few Rules for the Wild (That Shouldn’t Need Saying)

• If it has claws, horns, fangs or an attitude — admire from afar.
• Selfies are not worth stitches, unless you’re trying to get a selfie of stitches.
• Feeding wild animals teaches them that humans are a source of snacks and not in a good way.
• Wild animals are not your friends. They have not seen your YouTube channel. They don’t care about your social influencer status.

A Few Words of Wisdom

These are just a few – a few too many – examples of humans getting a little too close for comfort with our wild neighbors. It’s important to remember that wildlife are wild animals. They are not domesticated pets and they should be treated with respect and caution.

So, the next time you encounter a wild animal, at the lake, in the woods or just at a wildlife sanctuary, remember to keep your distance, put down the camera and resist the urge to become an impromptu wildlife rehabilitator. Your safety and the well-being of the animal will thank you for it.